Since the beginning of my verbal existence, Gram, my grandmother, ACTUALLY granted me the nick name, "the mouth", which quickly and rightfully so, stuck with my mom, dad, grandfather, and all immediate family members, until the dam broke and my entire world would come to know of this name. A small girl, in an even smaller body, with a mouth that would take OFF, when, where, and how it wanted too, I have slowly learned to tone it down quite a bit. But only by a mere fracture line, and it has taken me my entire life to do so. That being said, it's kind of befitting that I now have a blog, for me to freely and openly say, what ever it is, that I feel needs to be said.
A bit of history for you. Some insight to this blog and just HOW this came to be.
My first year out of college I was still in the mode of, " I can change the world". I had that naive belief that it was ACTUALLY possible. I believed, do believe, that with an education based around nature and environmental awareness, children will grow up learning the fundamental values of living with compassion, not hatred; acceptance, not judgement; peace, NOT war. Over the years I have passionately studied the impact the environment has on our well being and how something as simple as a flower, or a ripple in the ocean, has a PROFOUND effect on our mood and how we view the world. I wanted to move the world. All the people in it, to a more peaceful state. Education was the vehicle. Education IS the vehicle.
With my high hopes and even bigger dreams, I couldn't decide how to merge my love for life with the rat race work ethic. "Maybe I will hit the road make a record and sell a million copies, retire early? Travel Journalist? Painter, photographer, herbalist, kayak guide?" Life had become an overwhelming list of choices and I couldn't decide which one would fit me best. Nothing was on that list that made me say, "OK. This is what my life should look like". CHAOS. And it was chaos. Me living in a box that I couldn't get out of. Find the right job, right living situation, right man, right look, right laughter, right smile, right opinion, right walk...RUN.. and that's just what I did. I ran straight out of the country and found myself driving solo on the windy roads of New Zealand, in an old beat up Nissan van called HOMEY. No kidding, right after my given name.
I have never felt more at home than when I was living out of that van.
If you have ever had the chance to reinvent yourself, you might just guess what kind of layers I shed on that trip I called, "Fleeing America". I peeled off so many layers that I was naked right down to the bare soul of my existence. Nothing made sense. Everything made sense. I was able to finally choose the layers I wanted to put back on and one by one I did. I tossed the rest away. I felt like a 4 year old girl in my mom's closet, grabbing everything that caught my eye. Trying it on, taking it off, wearing shoes that were too big for me, hat's that covered my eyes. I had the time of my life, and by the end I was exhausted, crawled into my favorite attire and flew home.
People get so caught up in the things that they are expected to do that they lose sight of themselves in the process. They then wonder why every day seem to be full of chores and the weekends some kind of God that they worship. When I returned back home my eyes had changed. Not the color, although they often do, but my view. I could finally see. It's not that I couldn't see before I left, but it had been hazy. It's like this: I had been blind since the age of 14 and then all of a sudden the universe recommended contacts.
We choose to see what we want to see. We choose to feel what we want to feel. I chose a different life, vowing to never get trapped in a box again. I decided that If I was going to be trapped, it better be circular and made out of water so I could easily remove any belief that didn't serve me anymore with one flick of my little finger. I lived on a friends couch, because she wouldn't let me put up the tent in the front yard, and I painted to release my uncertainty. Wrote music to release my fear, and started to drink mound fulls of Mate' at the local coffee shop, who decided to hire me when they realized they needed an overly obnoxious, happy person, to run the front counter. I was high on life and believed that every moment was an opportunity to reinvent myself, over and over, creating anything I wanted to experience. Each experience brought me back to day one. AND YES, it involves changing the world.
In Native American folklore, a chief tells a story to a young boy. He speaks of two wolves that live and fight inside of every person. One wolf fights for anger, jealousy, stubbornness, and selfishness. The other wolf fights for joy, love, acceptance, and selflessness. When the boy asks which wolf wins, the chief simply replies, "the one we feed". We stoke our own fire. We fuel every desire and every misfortune just by the thoughts inside our head. We create it all and yet we point fingers to everyone but ourselves.
If you don't like the life you lead, the job you have, the friends you share company with, step out of your box. Make a new one. Take a step in your own direction. Cut back the overgrown grass of a path that is yet to exist. Make it your own. Make your life one that you think is worth living. Have no regrets. Speak up for what you believe in. Make it happen. Get outside more. Outside of the structure that doesn't serve you. Get INSIDE more. Make time to see the beauty that this life has to offer. My grandfather used to say " Tentanda Via Est". There is always a way to be found.
Have you found YOURS?
A bit of history for you. Some insight to this blog and just HOW this came to be.
My first year out of college I was still in the mode of, " I can change the world". I had that naive belief that it was ACTUALLY possible. I believed, do believe, that with an education based around nature and environmental awareness, children will grow up learning the fundamental values of living with compassion, not hatred; acceptance, not judgement; peace, NOT war. Over the years I have passionately studied the impact the environment has on our well being and how something as simple as a flower, or a ripple in the ocean, has a PROFOUND effect on our mood and how we view the world. I wanted to move the world. All the people in it, to a more peaceful state. Education was the vehicle. Education IS the vehicle.
With my high hopes and even bigger dreams, I couldn't decide how to merge my love for life with the rat race work ethic. "Maybe I will hit the road make a record and sell a million copies, retire early? Travel Journalist? Painter, photographer, herbalist, kayak guide?" Life had become an overwhelming list of choices and I couldn't decide which one would fit me best. Nothing was on that list that made me say, "OK. This is what my life should look like". CHAOS. And it was chaos. Me living in a box that I couldn't get out of. Find the right job, right living situation, right man, right look, right laughter, right smile, right opinion, right walk...RUN.. and that's just what I did. I ran straight out of the country and found myself driving solo on the windy roads of New Zealand, in an old beat up Nissan van called HOMEY. No kidding, right after my given name.
I have never felt more at home than when I was living out of that van.
If you have ever had the chance to reinvent yourself, you might just guess what kind of layers I shed on that trip I called, "Fleeing America". I peeled off so many layers that I was naked right down to the bare soul of my existence. Nothing made sense. Everything made sense. I was able to finally choose the layers I wanted to put back on and one by one I did. I tossed the rest away. I felt like a 4 year old girl in my mom's closet, grabbing everything that caught my eye. Trying it on, taking it off, wearing shoes that were too big for me, hat's that covered my eyes. I had the time of my life, and by the end I was exhausted, crawled into my favorite attire and flew home.
People get so caught up in the things that they are expected to do that they lose sight of themselves in the process. They then wonder why every day seem to be full of chores and the weekends some kind of God that they worship. When I returned back home my eyes had changed. Not the color, although they often do, but my view. I could finally see. It's not that I couldn't see before I left, but it had been hazy. It's like this: I had been blind since the age of 14 and then all of a sudden the universe recommended contacts.
We choose to see what we want to see. We choose to feel what we want to feel. I chose a different life, vowing to never get trapped in a box again. I decided that If I was going to be trapped, it better be circular and made out of water so I could easily remove any belief that didn't serve me anymore with one flick of my little finger. I lived on a friends couch, because she wouldn't let me put up the tent in the front yard, and I painted to release my uncertainty. Wrote music to release my fear, and started to drink mound fulls of Mate' at the local coffee shop, who decided to hire me when they realized they needed an overly obnoxious, happy person, to run the front counter. I was high on life and believed that every moment was an opportunity to reinvent myself, over and over, creating anything I wanted to experience. Each experience brought me back to day one. AND YES, it involves changing the world.
In Native American folklore, a chief tells a story to a young boy. He speaks of two wolves that live and fight inside of every person. One wolf fights for anger, jealousy, stubbornness, and selfishness. The other wolf fights for joy, love, acceptance, and selflessness. When the boy asks which wolf wins, the chief simply replies, "the one we feed". We stoke our own fire. We fuel every desire and every misfortune just by the thoughts inside our head. We create it all and yet we point fingers to everyone but ourselves.
If you don't like the life you lead, the job you have, the friends you share company with, step out of your box. Make a new one. Take a step in your own direction. Cut back the overgrown grass of a path that is yet to exist. Make it your own. Make your life one that you think is worth living. Have no regrets. Speak up for what you believe in. Make it happen. Get outside more. Outside of the structure that doesn't serve you. Get INSIDE more. Make time to see the beauty that this life has to offer. My grandfather used to say " Tentanda Via Est". There is always a way to be found.
Have you found YOURS?
