"Great Truths Are Distruibted Into Smaller Forms of Chaos"

A lot of laughter was to be had at high altitudes and although there was lack of oxygen there was by no means a lack of silliness. That ability to take ourselves lightly, cured us from the aches and pains that went hand in hand with the hours of trekking that day.

The Stellera chamaejasme L is from the family known as Thymelaeacea. Medicinal usage of this plant is to relieve disease and pain from swelling. It is used as a antiseptic for open wounds, poultice for swellings and fractured bone. Although it's slightly poisonous, seemly all plants in the Upper Dolpa are, and can cause headache if smelled, was one of the most vibrant plants we came across.

The funny thing about medicine is that it's main usage is for relieving, treating or preventing disease.

Last night a friend and I had the opportunity to see an exhibit at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Denver. As we walked up to the second floor, echoes of our feet and breath dragged behind us in a whisper, bouncing off the cement and metal that acted as the stairwell. We arrived to the Damian Hirsh exhibition. Eyes roamed past a few instillation's and rested on the wall across from us. Directly in the middle of the wall, large white shelves had been installed and various prescriptions were displayed. It could have been any ones medicine cabinet or any of the multiple drug stores that sweep across this country and those of others. I vividly remember walking into a Tibetan "hospital" and seeing this same display of bottles. Some where bandages, small glass bottles with medicinal plants resting within, and westernized antibiotics. There, in front of me last night, plastic bottles and cardboard containers were labeled with terms that are roughly unfamiliar to me, although I did happen to see an underlying theme. RELIEF. "constipation relief" "head ache relief" "relief of fever or swelling" "relief of pain" "Prozac" and "zantac".

I couldn't help but recognize the theme that is running through our country. People are constantly seeking relief. Relief of heartache, cold, sickness, stress, anxiety, bodily aches, emotional pains, or economic relief. If we get a cut, we stick a bandage on it. If we get a stomach ache, we take something to subside the discomfort. A fever = take Tylenol. Sleepless = sleeping pills. Infection: antibiotics. It's interesting to see that we have forgotten that these symptoms are our bodies way of communicating to us that something needs to change within our daily lives to restore order. We are seeking external material to restore an internal issue.

A fever is a good sign that the body is heating itself to kill off a virus. A bodily discomfort is the bodies way of saying "something isn't right here, what ever you are doing please stop" A stomach ache could possibly mean an allergy to a food. Stress could be a clue that you need to take more time for yourself and encourage time for reflection and ways to include more peaceful activities into your daily life. To be constipated could me various health issues but it could be as simple as adding more fiber and water into your diet. Many people turn to food, shopping, drugs or alcohol in order to suppress emotions.

While we are eager to get our hands on external remedies we aren't as easily ready to make the change within that might be able to prevent our ailments. Take the presidential election for instance. We are putting a lot of pressure on just one man to relieve our countries aliments. It's like saying, " Tylenol or Advil ". McCain vs. Obama. We can continue to pop a pill but the pain won't stop, it will only be suppressed and will continue to show itself until we get to the root of the problem. Our countries problems are not the result of just one man. Absurdity is what I call blaming a wrongful president for ALL the current chaos of our country. If we should point a finger it should be at ourselves. If the PEOPLE are unwilling to make the change there is no way the President of the United States can make it for us. If we are unwilling to understand what our bodies are telling us the pills will do nothing but mask the destruction.

Take consumerism for example. The average American wants food, clothes and gas at the absolute minimal cost. The result is overseas manufacturing ie. child labor in China, Indonesia or Thailand, while also creating less jobs here within the United States. We want organic or natural foods but won't support local farmers because it's too expensive. In order to satisfy a growing interest of less toxic foods, the FDA diminishes the regulations for an organic title, allowing major companies, previously not adhering to sustainable methods and growing mass amounts of foods with pesticides, permission to slap on the "FDA approved Organic" sticker. The result is mass produced "organic" foods and local farmers who go bankrupt in the process.

We say we don't want on or off shore drilling within the United states. We say that we don't support this war. We even get it printed on a bumper sticker. Those of you who use a car but don't support the war.... do you realize that the war exists partially because we "need" more oil here in the states? Do you recognize that you pumping gas results in more American and foreign deaths every day or are you not yet willing to take any form of blame? Step away from our cars, step away from foreign reliance and we can step back from the war. But we are not yet willing to step away from our cars or our spending. We are not yet willing to minimize our spending we are not yet ready to reel in our consumerism mentality. Our entire country is a walking contradiction and please don't get me wrong, I fully acknowledge that I fall into this category. We consume, consume consume.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.....or so they say. But if your eyes are closed you can't see the light and if you don't walk the tunnel you won't get out of the tunnel. Unless we acknowledge that more things; drugs, food, gas, clothes, homes, cars and accessories will not bring us true happiness, then our country will continue to head down the same path it has for decades. Bringing a new president into office won't change that. Another prescription won't get rid of the disease. A new job. A new outfit. A new car. A new house. Things will not bring constant happiness. They will not change anything. An external solution will not solve an internal problem.

There is always a door to be opened and a door to be shut. It just depends on if we are willing to close the door on a room that no longer serves us. Unless we are ready, will we be able to fully push back the door to a new room; a new way.

Reaching Within

I am learning to embrace stepping within.

To Find A Balance In Life During It's Constant Movement Is A Challenge.

Not Impossible.

Everything that ever was is defined in terms of contrast. Dark vs light. Good vs bad. Right vs. wrong. Awake vs. sleep. Happy vs. sad. Love vs. hate or rich vs. poor. Are all of these things not just words that are taped on the side of a box; a defined square of judgement withholding emotions or visions that the human language labels? They sit in a box cluttered in a restrictive category, entangled in guilt because they can be nothing other then the label on their box.

When is enough enough? When do we say, "what's the difference"? One laughter is an others howl. One sound is an others deafness. One closed heart is only an others open heart. Balance is tricky but it's not unattainable. The "vs" within the contrast of two items is what keeps them separated. What if we took out the "vs" and just left it as is? Happy next to sad is basically saying happy IS sad and vise verse. Balancing could be as easy or as hard as walking a plank that sits on a sharp edged stone. Maybe the best place to have your feet planted is somewhere in the middle, either that or taking the plunge off the one of the sides. Is it possible to find the balance in extreme difference? Is it possible to find find steadiness in constant movement?

Escaping

I have been writing about a home grown life vs. life on the road. Is it possible to have both? Is it possible to roam the edge of the world and then come home and grow a vegetable garden? Who would maintain that crafted home with the wood stove and the compost pit next to the chicken coup while the other half of you is gone roaming around and shifting the world? Would one life abandon the other life? Would the door swing open, everyone jump ship and leave one life behind? What if you want both? What if you want to pull back that swinging door that sits on the edge of the cliff and slam it shut?

Getting Entangled

A friend recently said to another friend, "I want to get all entangled in your life".......
Isn't life entangled either way? Aren't we all just moving from one experience to the next wrapping ourselves in each others lives and leading a spool of thread on our trail? Life is meant to be a web of thoughts and ideas, friendships and careers, intimacy and connection. Wouldn't it only make sense to get yourself entangled?

A perfect example would be my hair. It's curly. Straight. Flat AND fro, all in the same moment. It's entangled almost 99% of the time. It's messy. Dramatic . Graceful. Soft. Crunchy. It gets caught in friends earrings. It gets caught in spiky branches in the trees or in the thorns down low in the forests. I have most of my day stuck in my hair. It's as symbolic and as beautiful as having lines on the face of older women and men who gather up years as they continue to stride forward. You can't really show that you have lived this life without proof. So again, isn't the saying wanting to get "all entangled in your life" one of the most fluid, graceful AND beautiful things that you have ever heard?!?!?!

I say GET ENTANGLED. Get as deep and lost within someone else as humanly possible. Get as captured, mixed up and involved with all of life, as you can.

That's my profound "ah ha" of the the week.

Skipping Over The Lilly Patch

I have been writing about the past. A fogged up memory of something that once was and as beautiful as that image is, when is it time to truly let go of something that only exists within a compartment of you brain?

When is it time to sift through your photographs, emotions, and dreams that no longer are?

When do you hit that delete button?

Choosing to Swim

I am ALSO, besides everything else, in this constant, slash stagnant, place within my writing. For the past two months I have been stuck. It's not like I have been stuck within my life although, is being stuck within my writing an example of being stuck within my life? Or is this "stickiness" a classic example of writers block? Is it normal to throw out so many questions knowing very well it's not like the the black hole within this satellite connection is ever going to answer me?

So I keep asking myself, "Do I even write at all?" Do I sink or DO I SWIM....even if it's only doggy paddle?

I have been writing about hearts opening, closing and re-opening

I have been writing about things that should be more black and white but ARE NOT


I have been listening and writing,with pleasure, the rustling of death in the trees

I have spent hours writing about the constant color and beauty in my life





I have spent hours writing about the ground and constant movement in life



I have spent hours writing about LOVE.......

I have ALSO written about:

Art. Brilliant people. Creative concepts. The color of EVERYTHING. My mind is racing with new things to write about and constantly shifting and changing it's topic every 2 seconds.

Change IS an inevitable process of life. Aren't we always going to be in constant flux? Isn't it silly to hold on to anything be that an idea or relationship? Isn't it silly if we never wanted to change at all: too afraid of what lies ahead but knowing that movement is what is necessary for growth?

How boring would we be or how boring life would be if there wasn't some sort of movement to it.

Our summer has shifted into Autumn. Leaves are turning a crazy collage of color. Each leaf being dipped in it's own separate compartment of paint. Each one falling at any given moment but the right time for the individual leaf. They fall after they peak. While a lot of folks are driving around to involve themselves in the "LAST " weekend to go hunting for a golden red fire in the hills, there are those of us who are also about to peak emotionally and physically. We then start to make room for winter to come in with a soft and silent presence as all signs of a fast paced summer burns itself out.

Seasons all have their peaking months. Jobs peak. Songs and books peak... do we all in a sense "peak" within a relationship, job, creative form, athletic time, or as a whole on a specific time or date? I'd like to think that it's best to leave a social gathering when it's at it's prime. That way you don't over extend your stay and all the drama that takes place later on in the night isn't something you have to carry on into the morning. BUT what if you place such a high or low expectation on the "peak" experience that you never actually get to live the peak experience because you cut it off before it has it's chance to play out? What if you end the job, relationship, creative form BEFORE it peaks?

My hands often find themselves wrapping around multiple tree trunks a day. I like holding on to things that let me hold on to them. Have you ever tried to hug a tree that pulled away before you were done hugging it? But the point of this side tracked story wasn't the hugging of a tree. It was about discovering perfectly bright orange and green streaked leaves and finding running fingers latching onto these leaves, tugging on them so that they would "fall" into my hands. Do I push the peaking to meet my own needs? Do I push and pull too hard because I THOUGHT that the leaves should be in my hands rather then complete it's cycle? YES. Why?

Why do we think we know when something should be over, removed, moved on from or let go? We make constant plans that all take place in the future, in a "time" that hasn't even manifested itself yet and while we do this we also make a ton of unknown expectations. I wonder what would happen if we literally just LET GO. What if we took everything in this one moment and surrendered it over? What if we let this moment reach it's full potential? Would we all be wiser, kinder and more compassionate to allow the day to play itself out before we had the chance to capture it in a cage of meaning?

I have written about being ungrounded. Grounded. Sinking and swimming......

Being thrown off guard. Being hurt. Sad. Liberated. Excited. Heavy and light all in one sentence


As the weather seems to be reflecting emotions these days, the lightness has settled in and the laughter is constant. Some of the most incredible art presents itself when emotion reaches an extreme low or high. There is an on going joke with the brilliant musicians and artists in my life. The joke is this: Thank Jimminy Cricket, god, and the universe for the heartache. Tragedy. The falling. Crying. Worthlessness. Thank god for the disaster. The unexpected in greatness and disappointment. The lack of loyalty. The friends and intimate relationships that PUSH so hard there is no where to go but down and then back up again.

I wouldn't have the material. I wouldn't be the artist that I say I am.

The greatness in my life is reflected in my art. This is art. This expression. This chaos. This structure. This ability to let it ALL JUST GO......is my art.

Some of our best work comes out when we least expect it because the door is left swinging open minus the expectation. Some of us need to do a better job of letting go of our judgements of ourselves and to be, ONLY, ourselves.

The truth lies under all of our layers. Remove them for a second. Can you feel that the breath just created a little bit of space within the corners of your life? Did you get a glimpse of balance?

Are you reaching within?