I stare aimlessly at my computer screen wondering how to direct this post. I am failing over and over again and just end up rambling on like I am now. Last night I sat down with three of my best girlfriends, bending over my computer screen with a glass of wine close by, doing the exact same thing, roaming through JPEG files on my lap top and clicking away at website domains to pull up some info on Nepal and Kashmir for them to see. "Where IS Nepal??" they asked. And that's just fine, because a few years ago I would have asked the same question. It was pretty incredible to see them tracing their fingers over India, Pakistan, Bhutan and Nepal. "OH, THAT'S where Tibet is!" Kate yelled. THAT is priceless for all the right reasons.It's been quite hard to explain to my family and friends, back on the East Coast, just exactly where it is that I will be heading to and WHY. The other night I sat in the hot seat, my uncle, sister and brother in law beaming red eyes at me demanding answers to the endless questions that bounced back and forth across the table at which we dined. Actually, I didn't dine at all, for lack of appetite and language to communicate with. It's hard to explain what it is that I am doing and why I am doing it. I lead a very different life and speak, metaphorically speaking, an entirely different language then the rest of my family. How do I explain, after years of formal education, that I am going to go trek some shoes into regions of the World they have never even heard of OR why I am about to place myself in sticky political situation in Kashmir to get some answers to some questions I have: How can I help supply hundreds of thousands of Kashmiris, with clean water using solar energy. They think I am crazy. I think nothing of it.
A lot has happened these past couple of weeks. Logistics have drastically changed. Airlines have backed out on their word for luggage allowance, shoes have been miss routed, and when things seem to just get absolutely impossible, I reevaluate the situation and realize a disaster isn't a disaster at all but a blessing. Quite often we wrap ourselves around an idea, or a goal to achieve and THEN, we plan out exactly how it's going to happen. I laugh out loud at that because that plan almost always fails, due to expectation or just plain foolishness, to think that WE can plan all the beautiful details. We may chose to have an experience, but the journey that takes us there is not ours to control. Choosing whether that experience or journey is positive or negative IS ours to control, but to try and control the journey will just leave us feeling drained and disappointed.
So I guess this has turned into a post about expectation, control and surrender.
The other day I was on the beach with a friend, a soul sister of sorts, and we often get together once a year and do a "sage intention" ritual. The ritual is to consciously contemplate the things that have gone on this past year and to recognize there are things we will need to let go of in order to grow. Kind of like cleaning out the closet but different. We let go of ex boyfriends, negative and old thought patterns, bad habits, etc. Things we would like to let in would be things like love, abundance, peace, laughter and such. We individually think about our specific intentions and write it down on separate pieces of paper. We then speak it out loud to each other, validating it some how, and wrap them together, tuck in some sage and burn it. Sound hippie enough to you? I think so.
A big process of the journey is to surrender to it; have a goal in mind and then surrender. It's almost like writing a "Christmas list" and handing it over to the universe, God, guru, or temple of worship, and say, "Here. This is what I want. Figure it out. Make it happen. I'll be open to receiving it." My Christmas List has just a few things including shoes, safe travels, lightness and laughter. The shoes won't get to their final destination without safe travels and lightness wouldn't happen without laughter.
Over the years our list of intentions grow smaller and smaller, more concise and less specific. BUT to have an idea of what we want and what we don't want allows us to focus our energy on making the things we want happen, and the ones we don't, well, we don't focus on those and they just end up turning into the wind. We are growing beings, ever evolving, and constantly changing our minds and our thoughts. It's important to be ok with that. To not judge it but to accept it and surrender to it.
I surrender to the fact that I am difficult to understand; in my families eyes. I surrender to the fact that this journey is NOTHING how I imagine it will be. I surrender to the fact that my life, as beautiful as it is, will have it's own agenda, rainy days and closed doors. But it's in those times that I will have to get out my map, trace my fingers along some lines, and create a new plan, one that will most diffidently stay liquid.
I am going to leave you all with a glimpse of my intentions.
Lose fear.
Welcome in possibility.
Let go of Loss.
Let in abundance.
Release used up tears.
Gather in laughter.
Create the grandest expression of yourself.
Inspire other's to do the same.
A lot has happened these past couple of weeks. Logistics have drastically changed. Airlines have backed out on their word for luggage allowance, shoes have been miss routed, and when things seem to just get absolutely impossible, I reevaluate the situation and realize a disaster isn't a disaster at all but a blessing. Quite often we wrap ourselves around an idea, or a goal to achieve and THEN, we plan out exactly how it's going to happen. I laugh out loud at that because that plan almost always fails, due to expectation or just plain foolishness, to think that WE can plan all the beautiful details. We may chose to have an experience, but the journey that takes us there is not ours to control. Choosing whether that experience or journey is positive or negative IS ours to control, but to try and control the journey will just leave us feeling drained and disappointed.
So I guess this has turned into a post about expectation, control and surrender.
The other day I was on the beach with a friend, a soul sister of sorts, and we often get together once a year and do a "sage intention" ritual. The ritual is to consciously contemplate the things that have gone on this past year and to recognize there are things we will need to let go of in order to grow. Kind of like cleaning out the closet but different. We let go of ex boyfriends, negative and old thought patterns, bad habits, etc. Things we would like to let in would be things like love, abundance, peace, laughter and such. We individually think about our specific intentions and write it down on separate pieces of paper. We then speak it out loud to each other, validating it some how, and wrap them together, tuck in some sage and burn it. Sound hippie enough to you? I think so.
A big process of the journey is to surrender to it; have a goal in mind and then surrender. It's almost like writing a "Christmas list" and handing it over to the universe, God, guru, or temple of worship, and say, "Here. This is what I want. Figure it out. Make it happen. I'll be open to receiving it." My Christmas List has just a few things including shoes, safe travels, lightness and laughter. The shoes won't get to their final destination without safe travels and lightness wouldn't happen without laughter.
Over the years our list of intentions grow smaller and smaller, more concise and less specific. BUT to have an idea of what we want and what we don't want allows us to focus our energy on making the things we want happen, and the ones we don't, well, we don't focus on those and they just end up turning into the wind. We are growing beings, ever evolving, and constantly changing our minds and our thoughts. It's important to be ok with that. To not judge it but to accept it and surrender to it.
I surrender to the fact that I am difficult to understand; in my families eyes. I surrender to the fact that this journey is NOTHING how I imagine it will be. I surrender to the fact that my life, as beautiful as it is, will have it's own agenda, rainy days and closed doors. But it's in those times that I will have to get out my map, trace my fingers along some lines, and create a new plan, one that will most diffidently stay liquid.
I am going to leave you all with a glimpse of my intentions.
Lose fear.
Welcome in possibility.
Let go of Loss.
Let in abundance.
Release used up tears.
Gather in laughter.
Create the grandest expression of yourself.
Inspire other's to do the same.
