Some Art

There are many of you who don't really see what goes on behind my closed doors. Many of you. It's nothing too interesting. Usually it entails something nothing short of a rabbit hopping from one piece of artwork to the next in mid thought. Paint, charcol, pastels, ink and music staining my face and clothes.

I have a painting in the North West corner of my house. Black and white Indian Ink based illustrations in the North East section. Guitar, tuner and Capo in the South West and a Harmonica in the South East. I'm usually covered in the written word, a story a vision and they usually end up entangled in some sort. While I won't be able to post my new music and the written word just yet, here are some of the new and some of the old art creations I have been working on these last 9 months.

It's a art portfolio mess but I'm blissed out :)

More to be uploaded tomorrow!

kt

A Story

I recently went searching for a book written by Ram Dass and although I didn't find what I was looking for, in a way, the book that I really needed to read, found me.

I'm the type of person who buys a bottle of wine based upon the label. It's all about the presentation and what I connect to at that moment. The title of this book grabbed my attention , the way Thich Nhat Hanh's new book " You Are Here" did the same. Another book I highly recommend. "One Soul, One Love, One Heart. The Sacred Path to Healing All Relationships." by John E. Welshons with a forward by Ram Dass. I'm on a path of soul searching at the present moment, more so than usual, and this book has supported my eagerness, determination, and practice to heal the relationship I have with myself, friends and family.

This morning I read this incredible story that I would like to share it with you.

"One of my favorite stories about Mahatma Gandhi involves a distraught mother who brought her young son to see Gandhi. She said, " Gandhi-ji, will you please tell my son to stop eating surgar? He is Diabetic, and sugar is very bad for him. He won't listen to me, but might listen to you." Gandhi sat quietly for a moment. When he finally spoke, he said nothing about sugar. He simply asked, " Will you bring your son back in one week?" The mother was puzzled, but she respectfully replied, "Yes, of course, Gandhi- Ji."
When she and her son returned one week later, they again stood before Gandhi. This time, Gandhi looked directly at the boy and said, " Young man, you must stop eating sugar. It is not good for you, and it is very troubling to your mother when you eat it."
The boy said, "Yes, Gandhi-ji. I will stop."
The mother was grateful, but also a little perplexed. "Thank you Gandhi-ji. But please tell me, why did you make us come back in one week? Why couldn't you just tell my son to stop eating sugar last week?"
Gandhi smiled and replied, "Last week, I myself, was still eating sugar." "

If you yourself are not ready for change then how can you expect or tell another to do so?

I invite you to ponder this story further :)

BIG ISLAND TIME

these beautiful, wise, pre historic beings of the most incredible animal species I have ever seen, slowly inch themselves up to shore line to take a rest.  most tourists get in their way, take photographs and ooh and ah, myself being one of them until i was told, "they are trying to sleep"  the are so still they almost look as if there is no life left in them.  graceful and kind, they find small nooks on secluded beaches far away from the mountains of modern life.








The "Kings Trail"  an incredible, on going trail of about 28 miles or so, stretches over a fast amount of hardened lava rock.  With each step your legs get black with dust and the crunch of clay meets furnace sounds reminds me of just enormous kiln.  




the little man i "saved" from the indoors.  my connection is slow, and the connection between the waves in my brain are even slower, what can i say, i am on island time.

Do you RUN or DO YOU, stay?

This guy is obviously staying........ his shell is the only remains. Hunger from the sky will often shatter these little beautiful red gems of the sea  OR the tide comes in and then out and they miss the last wave. 

Just a top up for  photographs!  I am on the Big Island of Hawaii, ALOHA!

Pondering MY existence
Standing tall AND standing still
No, I didn't crack that coconut by myself. I did however watch my friend whack that machete in order for me to drink the soft, sweet and bubbly water inside... and then I took a sea shell and scooped out the rest. If that's not satisfying I don't know what is.
An image, like many, of contrast. It's lava and ALL growth.

These mangled, tangled pieces of drift wood remind me of some recent inner dialog, shared below.
A sun that is engulfed by it's own captivation

I followed this guy around for what seemed like hours..... to capture his throat bubble out. A slow process, as if I myself was blowing a a hollow circle from my own throat.

I would like to start this written ramble with a couple of well known sayings, "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger" AND "The Universe only provides what you CAN handle, nothing more and nothing less."........ something I am learning OFTEN these days.

It's hard to start this blog. I haven't truly written in months and I hope you don't mistaken that as lacking deep and constant inner dialog, because I HAVE been experiencing quite a lot of that. The truth is it's so jumbled, it's hard to put this inner dialog into an actual written sentence, and even more difficult to construct it so that it doesn't run on into a next jumbled sentence wrapped further around yet another jumbled concept..... see there you have it, should I even go on? Currently I am on the Big Island or Hawaii. It is one of the most energetic places on the Earth and being an Earth sign in a water based surrounding (my house is on the beach) there is nothing but movement, and while the lava does stand still when cooled, and chaos all around me. A warning perhaps to read on?

Over the years I have observed that there are two types of people; people who run and people who stay. There are also two ways of viewing both the people who "run" and the people who "stay" The people who "run" could be viewed as heroic, always moving, never settling for anything less then what they envision they are capable of receiving, both from themselves or from the world. They bounce when the truth is stagnant and make like the current of a river and flow. They run, move and they become the movement. The people who "stay" could be viewed as cowards. They fear change and anything outside the comfort of their nest. They never move, never experience anything beyond what is placed, comfortably, in front of them, because they fear, for lack of another seemingly relevant power word, everything and anything that is the unknown. Ironic yes. EVERYTHING is unknown... oh no? When has anything gone exactly how you planned it?

Unfortunately for me, as I fall in the category of the people who "run", there are other ways of viewing these people. The runner, runs when things get tough......" when the going gets tough they get going" or something like that.... they run from the loss; when their expectation of their perfection created in their minds, is lost. They run from anything as soon as the challenge begins, as soon as the job sours, a relationships excitement wears off, an argument is had or the weather makes a turn for the worst. Or actually the "runner" never has a problem running from external things, they are usually found roaming the road, the mountains, or the rough sea's. Although they are the adventurous ones, they do however, run from the softness behind the walls they build around it. 

Their weakness is an internal one not an external one. They run to something bigger and better and when the adrenalin from that "newness" is lost, the road is their only friend. Those who don't run, stay, and they stay within the struggle of a bitter boss, a tired relationship, an uncomfortable life, a sad state of being. BUT, they stay. They endure, AND if they stay long enough, they are able to witness but the storm of the struggle and with that comes the calm after the storm, if tap into the calm before the storm is over, their gift is in the rewards of inner peace among the outer chaos. The runners never witness this beautiful dance. They leave the storm before it starts, and while it may seem that they are in the clear, they are far from it. The storm follows them down their path until they too have no other choice but to face it. 

There are times when you do run. You run when it's time to leave a life that doesn't serve you any longer, but when a morning jog turns into a sprint, which turns into a decade of long distance, it's time to stop. So, back to my first quote " What doesn't kill you will make you stronger" you better believe it will. There are MANY times this past year when I have wanted to bail out. For instance, the time I was peeing down the side of a sacred mountain high in the Himalayan Mountains and I was sick from lack of sleep, sick of the raw and black smoke nestled deep into every crevasse of my clothes and skin from every kitchen in every village we roamed through, sick of my legs hurting, my head pounding, and the emotional tidal waves that came up every time I saw something that broke through the walls to my heart..... and then out of the corner of my eye I saw a large and green army helicopter and thought, "now is my chance, run for it, leave everything, get on that and get out of here!!!!!" Needless to say, I continued in my calm squat while I observed my inner dialogue conflict. I stayed. I stayed through the next few weeks of the same torture, the inner torture and the physical torture. I emerged as sick as and as happy as I have ever been in my entire life. The struggle was worth it. The storm was worth all the calm. 

Then there is the second quote I would like to refer too.. " The Universe will never provide what you can't handle, it will however provide what you can, nothing more and nothing less." It will provide exactly what you need, at any given time, in order to encourage GROWTH. Whatever it is that you are experiencing is for a reason. I know not just one reason, but MANY reasons. The lessons that come from the endless amounts of experiences, both trying and pleasant, are bit's and pieces from life's golden treasure chest. Choose to embrace whatever deep and aching emotions or trying experiences come up for you.  Challenge the challenges that lie presently and that lie ahead. Understand that your current experience is exactly what you need to grow into a more enlightened human being.  If not enlightened, then wiser, and if not wiser then more compassionate and if not more compassionate than, if anything, more accepting. The challenge is not to run or to stay, the challenge is to find calm IN the storm, not AFTER the storm, and when you have found the calm in the middle of the storm, then any experience you have will be  nothing but peace.

REALLY?

Vanity "02
Mountain Wolf "07
Jade Print " 08
Peruvian Man "07

Has it really been almost FOUR months since I touched this blog?? Maybe it's due to the menu of options in my life right now......... "move to Hawaii" is what the little person inside my gut said........ booked flight/ left studio/ quit job/ and then drove up to Vail.... didn't get on the flight . The same person inside my gut said "DO NOT get on that plane"

I am currently looking out onto a crisped snow field about to head further into the mountains of Buena Vista, CO. I guess no sun, warmth, growth, surf, and Aloha for me after all.

Stay tuned Bending Grass.com is about to shift into an entirely new world filled with art/ photography/ the written word/ charity projects/ and music.

No words of wisdom/ advice or great insight into life. I am just slowly watching the prayer flags hanging out over the deck at a friends house, sipping tea, and looking at the white, dark gray sky. Lack of color I had expected to be viewing, but by no means lack of richness.

The Menue of Options

I woke up from a dream this morning, ringing through my head, and it has me in shackles because I can't seem to set it aside.

It goes something like this:

I was at a local restaurant here in Boulder CO with a good friend of mine. She couldn't figure out what she wanted to order and so she hesitantly ordered a salad. I couldn't decide and so I told our server to come back in a bit. When the salad came Annie then said she didn't want it and it's not what she had ordered.

Meanwhile the menu continued to stare at me, popping out many different dishes. Almond, squash and black bean soup. Tofu and snap pea Indian curry. The menu was full of variety and although I couldn't make up my mind, there were many choices of delicious dishes to choose from. They were all attainable, presented to me in clear fashion, all I had to do was decide on one and the server would plug it into the computer, the chefs would make it and then I would eat it.

I wasn't sure what kind of mood I was in and I was afraid that the dish I would decide on wouldn't turn out the way I expected it too, like Annie's salad, and then I would be stuck eating a dish I didn't want in the first place! YES, worst things have happened.

I never ordered. I woke up.

The reason why this dream continues to play itself out within my day is because it has an important message for me. I can HAVE whatever I WANT. I just have to sit down, listen to what I am feeling, and decide.

Have you ever been in a restaurant or in the grocery store and been oddly overwhelmed by the options that you get to pick from, then ordered or grabbed something off the shelf, continue to wait for the meal or stood in line to pay and the realize, "oh, I don't really want this!" and run to the server or back to the isle of goods and exchanged it? The sense of relief is silly but incredible.

That is a metaphor that can be moved throughout our lives on many different levels. You don't HAVE to eat the meal if you don't like it. It's a choice. You don't HAVE to buy something or choose something you are not 100% sure of. You don't have to do.....................anything.

I know drastic or just plain obvious but I guess that is the greatest thing about being US. We have so much choice it's ridiculous and yet oddly beautiful or even still, strange. Anything you would like to accomplish, anything you would like to do this lifetime is up to YOU to get it done.

There are many options. You don't have to chose the first one presented. Sit with it. Feel it out and then once decided, chose it. In time it will follow, you just have to be patient and trust that everything happens all in due time or never at all. And if never at all, never meant to be I guess.

Deep and profound thoughts from your bending grass gal.

Crossing Over

My objective this morning was to get started on some grant writing, converting one company over to another, and working on the new Bending Grass Project website. I flipped open the black leather cover on my journal expecting to see a bunch of miscellaneous writings, a "to do list" of sorts, but instead, ink drawings popped out of the page, transporting me back into Nepal. I seemingly grabbed the wrong journal.NEPAL...... It's a place...word.... time in my life that keeps repeating itself and I find that no matter what I do or where I go these days, this little nook settled in between India, and Tibet crosses over into my present world OFTEN.

Roaming through Upper Dolpo, with no camera to capture the experience with, due to a leaky tent with a lot of rainwater, I resorted to good old fashion ink and paper. It was more time consuming and hard to stay in one place, both physically and mentally, as my eyes and feet wanted to do more wondering then sitting, but sitting and sketching was what brought the spinning world of the Tibetan Plateau to rest. Presently I don't have to scroll through my photo files to remember what my trip consisted of. I scroll through unorganized compartments within my mind, sifting through the memories like a 1953 home video projected on a wall. Instead of the click clack of the shutter opening and closing, soft sounds of scratching filled the air around me colliding with the roaring river, horse tails swinging at flies, or the clanking of stoking of the fire. I slowly began to SEE what I had been walking through and sitting in silence, like a sponge absorbing it all, my Upper Dolpo moments are seemingly ingrained into my being for lifetimes to come.

Don't get me wrong. I love my camera and I love photography. It's an art and skill that only comes with time and an innate ability to capture life in a blink of an eye. Photographs tell of stories in more words then a written description and can become so moving that the image stays with that individual for the remainder of their lives. BUT it's fast. Rather it can be fast but so can sketching for that matter. By sitting down I allowed my eyes to stop bouncing around like a pin ball machine and rest, in a soft gaze, on the slate rooftops, dried warped wood stacked in clean piles, or placements of hand carved designs etched into wooded doors and windows. In complete awe I began to stare at the art that weaved itself in and out of the villages in Dolpo. Everything was intricately crafted. A lot of intention went behind all that was created. The entire plateau was an art gallery and it only made sense that I too should put as much intention into what I was creating. Pen in hand I began to capture my days, but soon along with my camera, the pen slowly began to join the camera deep within my backpack and the only thing that remained were my eyes, ears, hands and nose.

Yesterday I created intention as my feet and fingers found small holds on a rock face wall sitting deep in Dream Canyon. My mind and body are usually used to SEEING the next hold labeled with a vibrant color of tape, strapped along holds on a make shift wall in a climbing gym. It's easy for my body to automatically reach for the next hold just moments after landing on the present one. It's also fast. So fast, that I when I reach the top of the route, I am perplexed on how I got there. Being on the rock face yesterday, a river raged below, and the stillness of the canyon brought me back into that flat space of calm, the kind that I experienced so often in Dolpo. There was no red, turquoise, or gold tape highlighting the best place to place my body. There was only the pure rock or grey and mossy green concealing any possible jutting ledge for rest. I began to sink back into the present moment. Nothing else was going on except the air on my neck and the feeling of crunching fingers into a crack in the side face. I glided my fingers over the jagged rock, and although I could feel the first few layers of my skin start to peel back, my body relaxed as they secured a solid hold. My toes felt around for a steadier surface.

"Attention" the oboe bird repeatedly articulated, in Aldous Huxley's book, Island. Climbing and Island go hand in hand for me. I started climbing during my second year at University just about the same time I began my philosophy courses with professor Baylor Johnson. He changed everything in my world and so did that book. Tuning IN and paying "attention" is exactly what happens on a rock face wall. Rushing won't work. Steady movement, created by full attention to the moment, is the ONLY thing that will keep your heart and head calm and encourage focused intention on placement of the next hold. It's a kind of "walking" or "doing" meditation.

Climbing inside vs. climbing outside might be the same thing as photography vs. drawing. While I enjoy fast moving things like my oddly fast typing skills, the ability to fly down a hill on my bike, or the way a fully composed song will manifest seemingly out of thin air when I sit down to play my guitar, I also have noticed that cross country skiing, strolling in the forests, or the hours of prep that goes into cooking food or creating a painting is more my style: SLOW.

I crossed over into Nepal this morning through the turning of pages in my sketch journal. I crossed over into a really beautiful and quiet space on that rock wall in Dream Canyon yesterday. Emotions, thoughts, memories, and everything that has been created or that will ever be created, will do so at their own speed but with clear and peaceful intention. If I can remember the ability to be mindful and artistic within rock climbing and painting, I can remember to be mindful and create the same intention within every moment this lifetime. My life is but a canvas and I am the artist. I won't rush the placement of things. I'll take time to step back, see the colors that I love and the colors that I don't, and figure out how to reconstruct my life so that it’s a life that allows me to cross over into different countries, artistic encounters, and into more adventures.

OK, back to my "real" work